Paramour
by milkintheam
Summary: One selfish act leads Lucy and Natsu down a path that can only end in pain...for everyone involved. Modern AU. Nalu with some Nali.


**AN: Hello world. This is my first foray into Fairy Tail fanfiction. It's a new take on an old and overdone idea, but please don't let that put you off. If you read it and like it (or hate it) please leave a review and tell me about your feelings. It can only help me, in the long run. There is NSFW material in this. Therefore, if you don't feel comfortable with that, please don't read it.**

**Also, a big shout out to my beta reader, madartiste, without whom, I would never have decided to share this. She is an awesome author, so whether you like my stuff or not, go check her's out.  
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**Paramour**

As she stared at the rumpled and empty sheets beside her, she desperately hated the man who had left them cold.

She could feel hot tears run down the side of her face as she buried it in his pillow. HIS pillow. There had never been anyone else. She couldn't even sleep on that side of the bed anymore, always hoping that, when she woke up he would be there.

He never was.

She inhaled the scent of his hair products mixed with that special smell she couldn't describe that was just so HIM, trying to drown herself in it as she clutched the soft fabric against her damp face. When had she become so desperate for him? Desperate for the smell of his skin, the gentle caress of his fingers, and the heat of his mouth as it collided with hers.

Desperate for him to be hers, like she was his.

But it would never happen.

Taking deep breaths, Lucy removed herself from the intoxicating scent and rolled onto her back. The sheets slid down to her waist, exposing her bare body to the chilly morning air. She shivered as she stared up at her bedroom ceiling, wiping her eyes in irritation. She was angry with herself, the situation, and the man who caused her to become like this.

She remembered the first time they'd had sex. Anyone else would've marked it off as mistake and tried to move on with their lives, but not her.

Lucy's week had been terrible. Her boyfriend dumped her. They hadn't been dating long, but the breakup had been harsh and made her feel more than a little inadequate. She even missed two days worth of classes while she ate her feelings, and, when she finally managed to pull herself together enough to go into public, she wound up being the victim of a fender bender on her way to buy more ice cream. She was ready to throw in the towel and say 'fuck college, fuck men, and fuck life,' because she obviously sucked at all those things.

Fortunately, her best friend had the answer. They would go out and drink with all their other friends and relieve some stress. When Natsu had suggested it, Lucy was more than happy to agree. A night of drinking and fun surrounded by people who loved her sounded great after being cooped up in her apartment for almost an entire week, eating every sweet in the pantry and moping about life in general.

They'd gone to a party at a mutual friend's place. When she met Natsu there, he was all big grins and pats on the back as he gave her her first drink. She smiled at him gratefully.

"Thanks for suggesting this. I really needed to just let loose, I think." She took a big swig from the red plastic cup he handed her.

"No problem, Luce. What are friends for?" His grin had her melting, and she returned it with enthusiasm. They'd been friends forever, and she'd been in love with him for almost just as long, but he had a girlfriend: Lisanna. They'd been together since middle school and she was a genuinely sweet girl. Beautiful, smart, and one of the most giving people she knew. It hurt to love him and know that he loved someone else, but she would never even consider trying to come between them.

At least, that's what she told herself.

After one card game, Lucy was plastered. She was stumbling around the house and spilling her drink on the furniture. Honestly, she didn't remember much of the actual party, but fortunately, Natsu was there to take care of her.

"Luce, watch it!" He grabbed her elbow to steady her as they walked towards her apartment after he decided that she was done for the night.

"M'fine." She slurred a little, but could feel the cold night air pushing away the effects of the alcohol just enough to give her some clarity.

"Ne, Natsu?" He looked sideways at her, his hand still on her arm.

"Where's Lisanna?" Her mind was wandering into dangerous territory, she could tell, but she couldn't seem to get a good grip on it to reel it back in.

The pink-haired man looked off to the side to avoid her gaze and shrugged. "We had a fight so she didn't come."

Lucy stopped walking which caused her companion to stop too. "A fight? You guys never fight!" She was still talking way too loud, but at least her words weren't running together anymore.

Natsu turned to face her on the sidewalk, his eyes still not meeting hers. "Yeah, well, things have been kinda rough lately."

She could tell he didn't really want to talk about it. Lucy looked off to the side, trying to force her mind to think of a way to change the subject. Her eyes widened when she realized they had stopped next to a familiar playground. Her smile turned mischievous as she began dragging the man towards some lonely looking swings.

"C'mon! When was the last time you played on the swings?" Excitement colored her voice as she pulled insistently on his elbow.

Natsu held back a little. "Luce, we should probably get you home. You dran-"

"Shut up and come play!" She laughed and shoved him into one uncomfortable plastic swing before taking the one next to him.

They sat there in silence for a while, both just swinging and thinking. It was a comfortable silence. There was rarely anything between them that wasn't comfortable.

"Hey, Natsu." Lucy broke the quiet first, never taking her eyes off the dark sky. She'd been thinking about him, and her thoughts drifted easily from her foggy brain to her chapped lips.

"Hm?" She could hear the creak of the old chains as he continued to push himself back and forth.

"I'm in love with you." The creaking stopped and she could feel his eyes on her, but she refused to look at him.. An astonished blush dusted her face. Where had that come from? He was with Lisanna! Why did she have to have word vomit now of all times?

There was a moment of complete silence when both of them stopped moving. The only sounds were tires rolling across asphalt in the distance, and Lucy mentally cringed.

Then he was on his feet. The sudden interruption made her whip her head in his direction, but he wasn't looking at her anymore.

"Natsu, look, I'm sorry. I just-" It had just slipped out without permission. Worried she may have just caused irreparable damage to their friendship, Lucy opened her mouth to try to explain again, but he interrupted.

"C'mon. Let's get you home." He turned back towards the road that led to her apartment, leaving her staring at his tense shoulders. Slowly, she got up, and they resumed their trek back to her home in a rare awkward silence.

By the time they reached the door to her apartment, Lucy had come up with at least five scenarios for how her night would end and four of them included her losing her best friend. She was nervous as she scrounged around in her jacket for her keys. It didn't help that the alcohol still coursing through her veins made her even less coordinated than usual. After finding the elusive keys, she still managed to drop them twice as she struggled to slide the appropriate one into the slot.

Finally, she heard the lock click as she successfully turned the bolt. Natsu had been oddly quiet during her struggle and his silence only made her more tense. Facing the door, she took a deep, calming breath and closed her eyes.

'You screwed up, but Natsu isn't the type of guy to just stop being your friend because of that. Just…act cool.' Yeah. That's what she'd do. She'd play it off and act like it never happened. He didn't want to talk about it? Well, good. She didn't either. Mentally nodding at her successful pep talk, Lucy turned around, a big smile plastered across her flushed face.

"Thanks for walking me home! Sorry fo-"

His lips were on hers before she could even think. His strong body trapped her against the door, his arms caging her in. She gasped in surprise and Natsu wasted no time, using the opportunity to slide his warm tongue into her mouth.

As she recovered from her shock, Lucy realized she'd just been standing there like an idiot while he kissed her. She slid her hands up his chest, clenching them tightly in the fabric of his favorite scarf. Closing her eyes, she pulled him closer, deepening the kiss as her tongue met his in a heated struggle. A pleased moan issued from his chest as she returned his kiss.

One of his strong arms wrapped securely around her waist as the other opened her door. He nudged her, urging her to move backwards into the dark room without ever ceasing his assault on her mouth. Lucy consented easily, pulling her best friend into the empty apartment.

Then, she was up against the closest wall, Natsu's hands gripping the swell of her ass. She responded by sliding her arms around his neck and wrapping her legs around his waist, grinding her overheated core against the hard erection she could feel just under his pants. The groan she earned from him sounded something like a cross between pain and pleasure and she loved it.

Encouraged by his response, Lucy did it again and again until Natsu removed his mouth from hers, releasing a loud moan that echoed around the empty room.

His eyes met hers, and she saw her need reflected back at her. It made her shiver with pleasure knowing that he wanted her just as much as she wanted him - had always wanted him. His arms found purchase under her thighs, and he backed her away from the wall and began walking towards her bedroom. Lucy just held on tight, burying her face in his neck and nibbling her way across the heated skin.

When he sat her down on the bed, he just stood there, looking at her, an indecipherable emotion on his face.

"Lucy…" His gaze ran down her body. She rubbed her thighs together, trying to relieve the ache between her legs.

"Natsu, please…"

At her needy words, he was pushing her back against the soft comforter. His large hands made a trail of heat up her ribs and under her shirt before finding her breasts. His lips ran enticingly along the column of her throat, making her groan with need. She arched her body into his hands as they began gripping the soft mounds of flesh. His thumbs ran back and forth across her erect nipples, only impeded by the thin material of her bra.

He was driving her crazy, and there was just too much fabric between her and him. She wanted to touch his skin - every inch of his body. That thought in mind, Lucy tugged roughly on the hem of his shirt. Natsu got the idea and removed his hands long enough to take off the offending clothing. He removed his scarf and shirt before standing up to kick off his shoes and pull down his pants. Lucy thought he looked glorious standing there in just his boxers, his hungry gaze consuming her.

When his eyes dropped to her shirt, he raised an eyebrow at her. Quickly, she took it off and flung it across the room. Without hesitation he was on top of her again, his hot mouth following his fingers as he pulled down the straps of her bra, exposing her large breasts to his greedy mouth.

He took one pert nipple into his mouth, alternating between teasing her with his tongue and gently rolling it between his teeth. Her hands found purchase on the smooth skin of his back as she moaned, her nails raking across his skin as his hand began working on her other breast.

Still, it wasn't enough.

She arched her body again, trying to satisfy her need by rubbing her sex against his. He groaned in appreciation, and she felt his other hand sliding down the front of her skirt. It was her turn to moan as his skilled fingers began teasing the swollen bundle of nerves through her panties. And it was amazing, but she knew what she wanted. She'd waited too long already...

...And this was not enough.

Her hands slid under her skirt, removing his fingers. Natsu looked down at her in confusion, but she just kept going. Reaching up, she pulled at his boxers, exposing his impressive length to her greedy eyes. Unconsciously, she licked her lips in appreciation before reaching up to stroke him. As she worked, Natsu moaned his pleasure into her soft golden hair, his hands flexing against her hips.

She was surprised when he stopped her eager ministrations. When she looked up at him he simply pushed her back onto the soft bed. Never taking his eyes off hers, he leaned down and ran his hands up her smooth thighs and to her hips. His fingers clasped the sides of her panties, and he leaned in to kiss her inner thigh, causing her to tremble beneath him. Inch by inch, he let his tongue lead the way as he slowly removed the last barrier between them.

With her panties gone, he placed himself between her legs and gave her a final hesitant look. He was unsure, of what she couldn't decide. Unsure if this was okay, of himself, or of what came after? It was impossible for her to focus on anything beyond that moment. This is what she longed for, what she craved for so long. She wanted all of him. His body and his love. She nodded her head slightly, trying to ease his doubts. It worked.

He gently placed his head at her entrance, stroking it along her folds, before he slowly inserted himself inside her.

And she was in heaven.

She had never felt so hot and so full. Every inch of his length stretched her to fit him perfectly. When he could go no further, he released a ragged moan, his fingers digging into her soft skin.

"God…Luce…you're so tight…"

She rotated her hips a bit causing him to hiss. "Please…Natsu…I need.." she couldn't find the word for it, but knew she needed something from him. She needed it more than she needed air to breathe.

And he understood. He began to pump inside of her, slowly at first, but when her fingers found his hair and started pulling, she could see his control slip.

"Faster. Harder-ungh…please.." Her breaths had become pants. Natsu raised her legs up, hooking her knees over his shoulders and gave her exactly what she wanted, losing himself in her.

Pants became screams, and Lucy just knew she was going to wake the neighbors, but god, it felt too good to be quiet.

It didn't take long before she was clamping around him and digging her nails into his skin as she came. Her climax must've sent her partner over the edge as he too found release, collapsing on top of her.

That night had easily been the best night of her life so far. They repeated the act over and over until neither of them could continue, and Lucy relaxed with an enormous smile on her face as she curled up next to the most important person in her life. She focused on thoughts of him and her and how _right _it felt to finally be together. A quiet voice in the back of her mind reminded her that it was wrong. So wrong, but she was too elated to pay attention. Nothing outside of that bed mattered when everything that made her whole was in it. She easily dozed off, surrounded by warmth and feeling loved.

Problems didn't start until the next morning. She woke up to the sound of Natsu jumping on one foot trying to pull his pants on as quickly as possible.

"Wha-what's goin' on?" She sat up and wiped her groggy eyes.

Natsu quit struggling with his clothes and gave her a look that made her heart almost stop. It made her shake with dread.

"What's wrong?" Her voice was deathly serious. She had a really bad feeling about this.

Natsu finished buttoning his pants before sitting heavily on the bed beside her with a deep, troubled sigh.

"Look. Lucy…I don't know what to do about…last night." His hand rose to fumble with his hair closest to Lucy, effectively hiding his face from her.

"What do you mean?" 'Please don't say it. Please, please, PLEASE,' She mentally begged him to spare her heart.

He turned to face her, his mouth set in a grim line dissecting his face.

"It shouldn't have happened." He paused to gauge her reaction, but Lucy was stunned to silence so he continued. "I'm with Lisanna. I'm sorry that I let it go that far." The confidence had slipped out of his expression and he sounded like he was trying to convince her, or may be himself, that he really was sorry.

Lucy's mind was racing. 'I knew it! I'm so stupid! I should have never told him how I felt. I should've known something like this would happen. Did I think he would leave Lisanna for me? I knew better! Natsu would never do that to her!' On the outside she just lowered her gaze to the blanket that stood between her naked body and the world.

She'd been so comfortable before, but now… now she just felt exposed and ashamed.

Natsu must've seen her body slump just a little because he quickly put his hands on either side of her face, forcing her to look at him.

"This isn't your fault, Luce. I did this, but you know I can't hurt Lisanna like that. I just…can't. I don't want to lose her, Lucy, and I don't want to lose you either. You're my best friend. You mean so much to me and I hope this…" He didn't say it, but Lucy could feel the word 'mistake' hang heavily in the air between them, "…doesn't change that."

She could see the worry in his eyes. The fear that she wouldn't be around him anymore, that she would leave. Natsu had always had abandonment issues. The thought of losing someone he loved was something he never could handle. Lucy laid one of her hands on top of his and gave him what she hoped was her most understanding smile.

"Of course not. We'll always be best friends."

And that was that. He left her sitting cold and naked on her once warm bed. She did nothing but stare after him, dumbfounded, for what felt like years before she burst out into the nastiest sobs she'd ever experienced. She just started wailing as tears fell down her cheeks like torrential rain. She choked on her gasps as her nose clogged up and still she cried, using her bedding to scrub furiously at her face when she became too disgusted with the feeling of salt and snot running down her face.

When Lucy finally reined in her emotions and made it to her shower, her face was a horrible red and her eyes were bloodshot and puffy. She couldn't say she cared at that moment. She only cared about how stupid she felt for thinking that what they had meant more than what it was. That she could have him to herself.

She spent the next week going through the motions of her daily life, avoiding Natsu like the plague. She was afraid that, if she saw him, she may just lose control of her carefully established front and burst into hysterics again.

Most of her mental energy was spent berating herself. Why would she risk their friendship like that? Why would she let it go that far? She was so stupid. Had she always been such a terrible person? Lisanna loved Natsu and he loved her, so, why would she try to come between something like that? Lisanna had been nothing but kind to her over the years and she…

She could barely stand to see herself in the mirror every day.

Weeks went by and slowly her pain ebbed. It was still there, and she missed Natsu with all her heart, but she just couldn't face him. She couldn't face what they'd done or how she felt.

Then, one night while she was up late studying for an exam, he showed up at her door. When she opened it, she froze. He was talking and running his hand anxiously through his disheveled hair, but she wasn't listening, just staring at him as though he were a ghost.

"I missed you." She didn't even realize she'd said it.

When he heard her softly spoken words, his mouth snapped shut, and his hand fell limply to his side. Silently, they just stared at each other, uncertainty and fear swimming in their eyes.

Lucy didn't know who moved first, but in an instant their mouths locked in a heated kiss as their hands explored each other in a desperate way. He pushed her, or maybe she pulled him, into the tiny apartment, locking the door behind them.

That's when this _thing _between them really began.

After that, they were still friends. They still laughed and hung out with everyone. They still teased each other and cracked jokes, but there was something different. Secret glances and touches that lasted a little longer than they should built up a delicious tension that neither one of them could resist.

And, without fail, they always ended up back in each others arms inside the little confines of Lucy's one bedroom apartment.

And every morning, he was gone before the sun rose.

Lucy hated it just as much as she loved it. She hated the guilt that ate away at her. She hated it that she always woke up alone.

She hated that she put herself through so much pain.

Never once had he ever told her that he loved her back. He had never even considered leaving Lisanna for her. He wouldn't be able to stand it if he lost her. As far as Lucy knew, Natsu never told Lisanna about their encounters, but Lucy could tell that the petite woman knew. When they were all together, she would catch the girl looking at her sadly, like her heart was breaking. It probably was, but she'd never leave Natsu and he would never abandon her. He was her first and only love.

They were the same in that sense.

A year passed and things stayed the way they were. Lucy still loved Natsu, and they still secretly met to indulge in each other fairly regularly. Lucy couldn't bring herself to date anyone else while she was so enthralled with her best friend. Natsu and Lisanna…

They got engaged.

Soon after, they got married. To anyone present at the wedding, they looked like the happiest couple in the world, but Lucy knew. Lisanna still gave her that pained look when she thought no one would see. Every time Lucy felt it, her stomach churned with disgust at herself and at Natsu. They hurt that innocent girl so much.

But, no matter how wrong it was, no matter how much she hated herself, Lucy couldn't stay away from Natsu. He was her addiction, her secret dream. He was something that she aspired to attain, no matter how much it hurt her or anyone else involved. He was her best friend, her lover, and the only man that ever meant so much to her. She knew she could never let him go.

So, she never did. Even as their night time visits became fewer and farther between, Lucy knew they wouldn't stop.

That's how she found herself crying alone as she stared up at her dingy white ceiling. Through all of this, she'd lost something important, and she knew she'd never get it back. Hell, she couldn't even remember what it was anymore. All she knew was there was this terrible emptiness inside of her that she couldn't fill. The only time she felt whole was in those brief hours of the night when Natsu would come and they would drown in each other for a while.

But when the sun rose on her lonely bed, the emptiness within her came back, churning in her gut, viciously gnawing at her conscience. She found herself in a position she never would've imagined herself in before the night she told Natsu about her feelings.

She was the other woman.

So, she cried.

She cried because she would never have what she wanted the most, and she knew that better than anyone.

She cried because she knowingly hurt another person every time she indulged in her childish fantasies and pretended she and Natsu were something they weren't.

And she cried because she was afraid that she had successfully doomed herself to a fate she had always feared.

The other woman always ended her story _alone_.

She would be no exception.


End file.
